So.. as you all know, the life of a poker player is not that easy. You have to be able to deal with the frustration, tilt and the huge downswings in order to be a successful player.

Well, after an year of playing cash, I have reached a crossroad in my carreer. I've busted my bank and it was more or less my mistake. This time I didn't even went trough the limits tilted, just stayed and grinded as much as I could until it was all gone. At the end I realized I have been playing my Z game the last two weeks, which, in addition to the really unlucky run, made it inevitable - I am busto.

 And now, once again I'm almost where I started an year ago.. I will either play NL100 6max for a staker (and grind my ass off in April) or just play nl50 HU with my own money (main reason is right now I cannot afford to deposit more and I don't feel like taking loans, seems too degen to me).

As hard it is for me right now to deal with the lowered confidence and the fact I have lost an average early salary for my country for just one week, I am aware of the fact that those moments are really crucial and important for the future success and if I'm unable to deal with them now and learn to avoid making the same mistakes.. well, I would never be.

So the problems are neither the money,  nor the time it would take me to go back to where I was. It's the struggle with myself and my ego. After a downswing like that one you're beginning to question yourself, you're not playing the way you normally are (for example I'm becoming more passive.. and I'm a spewtard normally).. things are not looking good and you're tilting way easily.

I've been adviced to take a break and I am.. kinda. Not only because I know I need one right now, but because I don't have the money to play. 

Oh well, life's a bitch, poker's a bitch, but I know I will be back. Grind on the mind, I've been through a lot and I don't think that I will stop playing poker just because of a bad month..

However, you can never know and everytime I do something stupid like that  I'm losing faith in myself.. discipline was never my strongest part although I've always known it is one of the keys to success in poker.

Note to whoever lost his time reading this shit : Don't tilt. Yea, I know it sounds easy to do.

Good luck, I hope you'll be hearing more from me and I hope to see ya again at NL200+ soon..

To the NL50/100 regs.. BEWARE!